I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
