i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
