where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
