My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
