I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
