so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
People in love make me want to vomit
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
