he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
the liver wants what the liver wants
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
