you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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