I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
