So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
