Got a toothbrush?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
bring money and cleavage
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
