Who wears a wallet chain?!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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