I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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