Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
