I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
