rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
