you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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