Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
