since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
