Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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