help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
