do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
