I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
