she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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