i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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