One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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