Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
