Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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