if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
