You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
