First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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