Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
