WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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