if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
