mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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