Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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