I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
