He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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