What a fucking waste of an outfit
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
