hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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