My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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