Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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