3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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