So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
