Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
