I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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