Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
