I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
