Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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