my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
