just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
