Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
